Monday, 25 September 2017



Tragically those immortal words will never be heard again from Stunt Legend CURT BONN, because MR BONN, passed away recently from Pancreatic Cancer. Typically, no one knew. He told me he had a mini Stroke but promised me not to tell anyone because he didn't want a “ buncha mooks hangin around driving me crazy”

The last GAG we did was on PSYCH the MOVIE. BYRON BRISCO, the JAMES RODAY clone, using his fake beard to do a slide for life from the top of a ship gets nutted as he slams into a post on the dock. MR BONN gotta good chuckle outta that one. MR BONN had parked his white van right on set that day even though everyone on Locations had told him not to. He pretty much did that everyday.

Refreshingly, our last conversation involved him asking me to get his dough from payroll because they were a week late. Like me, his biggest thrill, other than having his nightly martini with his beloved Freddy, was showing up in person to grab that envelope full of sweet candy from payroll every Thursday @ 4 pm!
He called me “Super Dan!” because he ratcheted me 54 times in one day on the NHL 98 video. We called it a world record, even though we had absolutely no idea if it was or not, nor did we give a rats ass.

Everytime we got together it was an adventure. They very seldom Ratchet someone in an open field. That would be too easy. It was always almost impossible. Inside phone booths. On the edge of cliffs. And RIVERVIEW! Always RIVERVIEW, where you couldn't drill because of asbestos. But the Grumpy German Genius always found a way.

He would go to the White Spot on Lougheed for breakfast where the waitresses always knew him + luved him and he would do his diabolical figuring. He was an Engineering Genius.

“Thats the reason I love this business. Its always something different. And we always find a way.”

MR BONN loved his DOUBLE DIP! Two shows in one day. One time he did a QUAD!! He started @ 4 am up in LYNN CANYON and finished with us @ Midnight on STARGATE, with 2 shows in between. 4 shows in one day!!! He loved to tell that story! It put a huge smile on his face.

There were so many memories.

Like working for 18 hours straight trying to Ratchet Darryl Scheeler 25 ‘ in a mine shaft set which was only 6’ high on STARGATE. At 3 am ROY, MR BONN’s helper had to take nitro because he had a heart condition and all the stress was causing him to have a heart attack!

Peter Deluise used to mimic MR BONN by pretending to pull up his blue jeans + yelling,


Peter “ Curt didn't I give you nose hair clippers?”

Curt “ Yes you did.”

Peter “ Then why didn't you use them?”

MR BONN liked that bit.

But a RATCHET on THE MAGICIANS seemed to epitomize what seemed to happen EVERYTIME MR BONN and I got together:

UBC didn't want us to Rehearse on Sunday and the RATCHET played on MONDAY. We were asked if we could Rehearse AND Shoot on Monday because the RATCHET didn't play until first up after lunch. We agreed.


The last thing I remember asking Transpo + Locations Friday night was, could the SKY TRACK be there + the gate opened by 7 am Monday morning?! We had no margin of error!

“ Of course Silly Wabbit”

Monday morning @ 7 am, the SKY TRACK WAS LATE and THE GATE WASN’T OPEN!! Apparently the SKY TRACK was stuck in rush hour traffic from New West. Rush hour?? REALLY!! What a shocker! When was the last time there was a rush hour from New West on a Monday morning?!! Wasn't there a Rush hour EVERY morning! In fact, didn’t the Rush hour practically last ALLDAY!? EVERY DAY??! Why was this such a surprise to these people??

The GATE? A Female UBC security guard version of Barney Fife showed up wearing a uniform 2 sizes too big for her with a key chain holding more keys than the KEY DUDE on the MATRIX!

It looked like that GATE hadn't been opened since D DAY and it looked like it was unlikely to be opened anytime soon. (She’s probably still there to this day, frantically trying every key including that old Pirates Skeleton key with zero chance of that lock EVER opening.)

The SKY TRACK arrived an hour late. Because the gate wasn't open it had to travel ALL the way around the UBC campus chugging along at a snails pace. In fact I thought I saw a snail pass it, at which point a TEAMSTER started to stomp on it yelling, “ That snails been following me around all day!!”

Old Bit.

45 minutes later the SKY TRACK arrived on our set. Set was the roof of the UBC parking lot. I remember someone asking UBC LIASON DUDE on our Tech Survey how much weight the roof of this parking lot could handle and not remembering if anyone actually had got an answer on that. All I knew was, this was the BIGGEST SKY TRACK I had ever scene before! It inched along the roof of the parking lot and I swear I could hear something cracking. It felt like I was back in Ontario when I was a KID on the frozen river looking back at the Thin Ice sign. I had this horrible vision of this Monster Truck crashing through the roof crushing a gaggle of ASIAN exchange students just after they had learned how to drive!

Once the SKY TRACK was in position, it wouldn't start! We had 3 TEAMSTERS trying to get it to work.They were heard to exclaim that it was the strangest thing they had ever seen. They decided they had to bring another one in from New West.


This one had to work! And it had to work NOW!

MR BONN was getting tense. Although it was hard to tell when he was tense because he always looked tense. He started to fiddle with it + discovered it had outriggers or things that extended out underneath it to keep it stable. He finally got it to work. Apparently the computer was telling it it was on a steep hill when in fact it was on flat concrete.

This had all taken 2 1/2 hours. We had 3 1/2 hrs left to do something we estimated would take 6.

Plus I was hearing on the radio that they were moving along quite quickly and might be moving to us sooner.

When was the last time they actually shot something faster than they thought!!??

Plus the DIRECTOR now wanted a BIGGER RATCHET! Instead of 8’ high + 12’ back, he wanted it, 30’ high + 50’ back!

This wasn't what the GRUMPY GERMAN had calculated on his napkins @ breakfast @ The White Spot!

I had to change my underwear again. I looked pleadingly at him. Was any of this actually possible?

MR BONN calmly looked at me and said, “ Dont worry Super Dan. We’ll find a way. We always do.”

And when the DIRECTOR + CREW showed up, MR BONN showed them one of the coolest

RATCHETS ever! That STUNT DUDE flew farther + higher that day than I’ve ever seen a stunt dude fly!

And MR BONN did it before lunch, without sandwiches , Meal penalty or Craft service!

The most beautiful words I heard that day were,



You will be sorely missed.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

New York, New York
NHL Revealed
Ranger/Devils Outdoor Game 
Yankee Stadium

I was back East playing my Jr B Shamrock Alumni Hockey Game in my hometown of Hespeler Ontario. A small hockey town that no longer exists. But when it did it produced the best hockey stick ever made; the Hespeler Mic Mac and some of the best hockey players ever!

Gmon, aka, Michael Greenburg, Executive Producer of Stargate was gonna be in New York Producing and Directing NHL Revealed, a kind of Hockey version of 24/7 for his brother, Prez, aka Ross Greenburg, who was Executive Producer.

I decided to blast down there and be,



Maybe help out a little. Maybe go to the Ranger/Islander Game at MSG!



Where Ali fought Frazer.

Where almost everything of any historical relevance, sports wise, or anything wise, has happened over the last Century.

Gmon and I arrived at La Guardia at about the same time. His boy Cory gave us a ride to the Weston NY Grand Central. It was the official NHL Hotel for the Stadium Series! The NHL Players were staying there and the lobby and employees were all decked out in Official Stadium Series banners and swag.


It was cool to talk to Gmon and get caught up on everything.

We spent 4 years on MacGyver, 10 years on Stargate SG1 and 20 years Ringside in Vegas complete with HBO Credentials compliments of Prez!

Gmon is always on the phone being Gmon.


Talkin to him is kinda like talkin to that AD in the low budget movie within a movie, Living in Oblivion, where the eyes of the AD who’s on walki, would suddenly glaze over and  he’d say, 

“Copy that!’

whenever anyone was trying to talk to him.

Or was it State and Main? 

Gmon would hang up after being on the phone for 20 minutes and carry on with the conversation like nothing had happened, until his phone vibrated 5 seconds later and he was off on another Gmon Executive Producer phone rant.

After we got caught up, the first order of business was to go to an authentic New York Sports Bar and watch Peyton Manning get his Broncos into the Superbowl!

The first  SELFIE was taken just outside the hotel on 142nd street!

ME and GMON in the BIG APPLE!

Next, we had to go to an authentic New York Pizzeria and scarf down some authentic pizza slices. The doorman suggested Pazzo Pizza on 2nd ave. I can confirm that the pizza slices were authentic and were scarfed down with a freezing cold can of Coke Classic!

The next morning we started off with a bagel at a deli called Essa. It was everything a New York deli should be, crowded and loud.  I luved the whole battling in line thing and the,


We then flagged down a New York cab driven by an authentic Taliban cab driver.  A Jew, a Taliban and an Irish Guy in a cab....there’s a joke there somewhere!

We arrive at,


The MECCA! If there’s one place that might even be cooler than MSG, it’s




I hadn’t really dressed for working outside in a New York winter. I had a leather jacket RDA had given me 20 years ago from some cheesy MOW, a hoody and a toque!

And no, 


We shot the Banners from the Rangers, Islanders and New Jersey hanging outside of Gate 4. It was for NHL Revealed. Like 24/7, it followed the hockey players behind the scenes leading up to the games and they needed a bunch of establishing shots of the venues the games were to be played in. 

YANKEE STADIUM was quite the venue!


We’re going inside! We’re actually going to be shooting


Apparently Lundqvist, the New York Ranger Goaltender, has Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth on his goaltenders mask. I think the plan is to go into a closeup of his mask then DISSOLVE into a shot of the actually faces of the Yankee Legends as they appear as Statues and monuments in Monument Park in Yankee Stadium! 

So we have to shoot all the statues and monuments of all the Yankee Greats. Ordinarily if you were a fan in Monument Park shooting pix, there would be hundreds of other fans in your face, crowding you, trying to get the exact same shot you’re all trying to get. But there’s only 5 of us in the camera crew posing with Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth etc. 

For a sports freak and Yankee fan, 


Then there was the actual ice rink the 2 games are going to be played on,

right in the middle of Yankee Stadium!

The games are still almost a week away but the workers are busy putting on the final touches. We have to get various shots of the rink. Sounds like another,



That night for dinner we went to another  authentic New York deli called the,


Even tho it wasn’t actually on 2nd avenue. It was great! I had Pastrami with dill pickles, potato salad and coleslaw! But before I could eat it, I had to take a picture of it and send it to DQ. 

DQ is a 6’5” 280 lb Asian Stunt dude who luvs food. When we were working on Warm Bodies in Montreal he would take pix of his huge meals consisting of tons of smoked Montreal meat and send them to everyone. Three meals a day, all meat! 

He immediately sent me a message back.


DQ luvs his meat!

Next day was the  Ranger/Devils Alumni game, outside!

We had to first stop in at the NHL Store because a few of the players were stopping by to sign autographs for the kids. Ron Duguay was supposed to be there. Dugey had the best hair, ever!

There were lots of paparazzi! And lots of swag! 

I bought a couple of black  Stadium Series T shirts! With the Stadium Series Emblem in the middle with the Ranger and Islander logos on the outside. Very cool! 

I wanted to buy a White Chicago Blackhawks Baseball Cap because the Blackhawks have the best logo ever! But I’d be lynched if I wore it anywhere in Vancouver!

The Alumni Game was at Bryant Park. I walked right past the HBO building where Prez had been President for all those years. I remembered the address. The Avenue of the Americas, because I had sent him pix of us Ring Side in Vegas for all those years. 

All those fights!

But we’re not even allowed to mention HBO anymore cause Prez is with SHOWTIME now. I took a pic of the building anyway for ol’ time sake. 

Just don’t tell Prez!

The Alumni Game was cool! But freezin! In fact I haven’t been warm since I got here! In YVR I wear shorts all year long. But not here!

My job was 2 fold.

One, to mark down all the time codes when Camera dude shot anything and describe the shot so that the editors back in Toronto knew what they were looking at.

And two, to Track the players we were shooting. We had mic’d a couple of the players and we wanted to focus on them. Problem was, even tho Camera Dude was a self anointed genius he didn’t know anything about or gave a shit about sports. 

Especially hockey!

He had no idea who any of the present day Hockey Stars were let alone the Old Guys! But I did! I knew who everyone was! Past. Present. Living. Dead!

Hockey was my Religion!

I had to chase the Camera Dude everywhere! At first I would ask him if he was rolling, which he always was. This was kamikaze, guerrilla warfare filmmaking! 

Point and shoot!

I was used to taking 45 minutes for one camera setup for TV and 5 hours for 1 setup in features! So after awhile if his camera was pointing at something I’d write down the time codes and describe what he was pointing at.

All the while trying to tell him where to point his camera. At the Player who was mic’d so we could focus on them.

“Leetch has the puck!”


“Brian Leetch!”


“The former Ranger captain”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is! Where is he?”

“Back on the point. He’s a Defenseman.”

“Where’s the Point? Just tell me where to point the camera!”

“Pan Camera left! He’s No 2!’

“Gotcha! Got em!”

And so it carried on like this for the whole, luckily abbreviated game!

It was snowing so bad that it was a veritable blizzard! I had to put the paper I was writing on inside the metal clipboard thingy cause the paper was getting all wet cause of the snow!

And the sharpie was getting all smudgy!

Which meant that whenever I had to write down a time code and shot description, I had to open up the clip board and use the metal top of the clipboard thingy  to protect the paper, take off  my big honkin ski gloves and put them under my arm pits cause I couldn’t write with them on. Open the clip board, write, protect, close, put gloves back on!

Problem was Camera Dude just kept shootin and shootin .  He was running up and down steps trying to get  more interesting camera angles, with me chasin after him!

I just decided to keep my gloves off! But it was freezin and I couldn’t feel the end of my finger tips! So I decided to put them back on. Plus the sharpie was starting to freeze so I had to shove it down my pants to warm it up!

And so it was, all afternoon,









A lot of the time codes were still pretty smudgy but hopefully I’ll back in YVR, nice and warm and dry, with my shorts on, before the editors in TO even get them!


With none other than the Commissioner of the NHL himself, Mr Gary Bettman. I told him I was a Vancouver boy in town helping with NHL REVEAL. I swear to God when I took our pic he grabbed my ass!


I wish!

Actually there was no ass grabbin but a lot of high 5‘s! Cause that night we were goin to,




The RANGERS were playing The ISLANDERS, with soon to be team mates in SOCHI on TEAM CANADA, Rick Nash and John Tavares battlin it out! It made for a kind of a long work day, but we were goin to,


But first,

Another DELI!

Another DQ PIC!


We entered MSG. We got our super cool New York Ranger’s Credentials and blew through security!

We made our way through the bowels of MSG like the steadi cam shot from Good Fellas. But instead of winding up in front of Henny Youngman, we were rink side.

The place was empty. Another clean sheet of ice. With the New York Ranger Score board looming majestically in the bg.



Just knockin them off!

Now it would have been cool enough just to get a ticket to the game and sit my ass in a seat and watch the game. But we were everywhere! 

We had lunch in the media room.

We shot the Rangers warming up by kicking a soccer ball around.

Camera Dude noticed a couple of kids shooting the warm up with their I Pad. Camera Dude shot a closeup of their faces with their eyes lit up watching their heroes and came around onto their I Pad revealing what they were shooting.

It was MINT!

Classic 24/7.

Capturing the essence.

Young Fans idolizing their heroes, using the latest technology from the Social Media.

This Camera Dude WAS good!

Then we started shooting in the Ranger dressing room. There was the huge Ranger logo on the floor right in the middle of the dressing room. And no one and I mean no one was allowed to walk on it! 

Of course I kept pretending to forget, by almost stepping on it, by almost spilling coffee on it and by almost tripping on it!

Gmon was not amused! It was like he was baby sitting a bunch of 2 year olds. If we were found to be doing anything disrespectful to the Ranger logo we’d be booted out of there. And NHL Revealed wouldn’t get their shots.

Ranger Coach Alain Vigneault who had spent the last few years coaching the Canucks, entered “The Room” I immediately told him I was a Vancouver boy and that we missed seeing him jogging around the seawall near Yale Town. ( I used to see him when I was riding my bike) Score one for the inside reference. He immediately smiled and shook my hand.

I then made sure I took off my jacket revealing my Official Team Canada Jersey that they will be wearing in SOCHI soon. I gotta few nods of approval  and a coupla fist 
bumps from some of the Good Canadian Kids in the room!

It was time for the game! 


We again mic’d a coupla players for the game we wanted to focus on. One being superstar Rick Nash.

Again I was supposed to do time codes but this time there was no blizzard, no smudgy time codes, no frozen sharpie and no gigantic ski gloves! 


And I was supposed to be a SPOTTER for the players.

“Nash has the puck!”


“Rick Nash their Superstar!”

“Where is he?”

“On the off wing with the biscuit”

“What the fucks a Biscuit!?”

“Pan Left. # 61!”

“Gotcha! Got im!”

And so it went.

We had to crouch in front of the fans at the plexiglass. My one foot was swollen from blocking a shot from my Alumni game and a woman stepped right on my Big toe as she walked by while texting.


Two other woman who were talking right beside our camera jokingly asked if there was audio in our camera because they didn’t want the world to know all their dirty secrets. It was sure cool being Sports Film Makers at MSG!

After the game, Islander Captain John Tavares walked right beside me and saw that I was wearing my Team Canada Hockey Jersey. 

I wished him luck in SOCHI.

He said “Thank you. I appreciate it!”

The next morning we were supposed to drive out to the Ranger practice facility and shoot their practice but the van was already full and had to get out there in a hurry so, 

we’ve got the day off!!


So it’s time to cross more cool New York type stuff off the bucket list!

I’m gonna run around CENTRAL PARK! 

I’ve always wanted to do that ever since Dustin Hoffman did it in Marathon Man. You always see actors in movies running in almost that exact same spot around that exact same body of water.

I first had to buy a pair of sweatpants cause it’s


Now I just have to find out where it is.

The doorman said I just had to turn left out of the Hotel and then take the first right and I’d run right into it. But he said it was a long way just to get to it and suggested I take the subway or a cab. There’s no way I’m gonna take a cab to a run and I’d probably get lost on the subway so, 

I’m going for it! 

I’m hauling ass through the streets of New York weaving in and out of New Yorkers like they were pile ons. It was slippery and cold. I cross the street and almost get hit by a cab! So I naturally yell!


Been waitin to do that since Midnight Cowboy. Again, Dustin Hoffman.

I made it to the entrance of Central Park. It was beautiful! Blue skies. Sparkly white snow! 

I ran thru the zoo. Then past a bunch of kids tobogganing. Then past a bunch of kids skating on a pond. But still no sign of this body of water I had seen actors jogging around in the movies. I finally asked a local and he said it was still a long way!

And that was in miles, not kilometers.

So I kept running. He said I was looking for the Reservoir.

I finally ran up some steps, much slower than Rocky and saw the familiar black fence I’d seen countless times in the movies. Then I finally saw it!


This was it! This was the place! With the familiar New York skyline in the b.g.


I  also needed a wide shot that included me, the fence, the water and the skyline just like in the movies!

I got another tourist with a European accent to take the shot. But he had framed out my shorts with the orange trim. These shorts have been everywhere with me, Stanley Park Vancouver, Hawaii, Vegas, Europe. I made him do it again!


Problem is, now I have to actually run around the dam thing! And it seems like I’ve been running for hours!

The snow was uneven and I was running in these stiff black shoes that I had worn on the airplane. You see my wife is a Flight Attendant and you have to sort of dress up on the plane. These shoes were kinda dressy but more comfortable than dress shoes. But I never thought I’d actually be running a marathon in them!

And this Reservoir was huge! It actually seemed more like a lake. Or a small ocean.

I’d stop every now and then and pop off another 


It was so beautiful! Total blue skies. Sun sparkling off the white snow! Cross country skiers would blow past me. Wish I had skiis!

I had been sweating but I had to keep moving my feet otherwise I’d go into a deep freeze. 

My foot was throbbing like Henry VIII’s with a bad case of gout.

I made it all the way around. Problem was, I now had to run all the way back to the hotel.  

I ran past the kids skating on the pond. I ran past the kids tobogganing. Past the zoo.

It wasn’t really a run, it was a kind of a quick hobble. I felt like Forest Gump without the followers.

I had a kind of a hip thing, a knee thing, a lower back thing and always the foot thing! Elderly folks kept passing me in wheelchairs and walkers.

Did I mention that it was,


I felt as cold as Ralph Fiennes in that movie where he played multiple characters and was hung upside down naked outside in a concentration camp in the middle of the winter and the Germans kept pouring cold water on him from a hose until he froze to death. 

How’s that for an obscure but disturbing reference?

I finally made it back to the hotel! No Rosie Ruiz for me. I had gone the distance!

But my body totally seized up!

I had crossed Central Park off my list, but at what price?

The next day Gmon and I took the train out to see Prez at his new office. It was kind of, almost, out near Connecticut. It was cool to see Prez! He had a few of his g’zillion EMMYS on display. It was good to see the LEGEND at work.

But my foot had swollen to twice the size of Fred Flintstone’s! I was limping around like Chester from Gunsmoke. Old reference.  Or HOUSE. Not as old a reference. 

We knocked off lunch and dinner. 

It felt so good just to sit and not have to walk on it.

I finally met Prez’s lovely wife Michelle. I learned that she was a Forensic Interviewer! It was her job to Interview young rape victims and victims of abuse. She then acted as a kind of liaison between the victims and the police.

I immediately had two reactions.

One. That this woman must be a saint!  For helping out these young girls every day. Day in and day out. For years! When she really didn’t even have to work at all.

And two and more importantly, at least for me, wouldn’t that job make for a fantastic gritty Crime Drama! Network or Cable! With a very strong female lead?


And wouldn’t it be cool if it became a hit and I was the Creator and Executive Producer?

A modern day Steven Bochco for me.

Another fairly old reference, but what can I tell ya? I am a  pretty old reference myself.

Prez gave us a ride back to the trains but they weren’t running because of the snow storm so he ordered us a car to take us back to the city.

That night I filled up a couple laundry bags with ice from the ice machine and put them on my foot which I had elevated on the bed with a couple of pillows. It felt so great!! 

Gmon and I did the Roomie thing watching sports lying in our respective beds but he was totally grossed out by my feet! He couldn’t understand why my foot was so swollen. I of course told him that it flared up like that regularly ever since my foot got crushed in Toronto doubling for RDA  25 years ago in a scene directed by, Gmon.


That was totally untrue of course. But Gmon kinda, sorta believed it. He was mortified! 

He immediately emailed my wife and daughters Stephanie and Joey asking them what the hell was wrong with my feet!

Now you have to understand that my family is totally grossed out by my feet! I have the ugliest feet in the world!  Whenever I take my shoes and socks off at home they all start to throw up in their mouths! 

I have huge bunions on both feet and a major case of athletes foot that I’ve had for over 10 years! I tried putting on creams and ointments prescribed by my Doctor over periods of months but my feet just turn bright red! 

I also have Fungus growing under the toe nails of both feet! I had it for 5 years in my one foot. I actually tried to sleep without my feet touching for years but I guess the one foot became so over populated with Fungus that they abandoned ship and jumped over to the other one. 

The toe nails are so thick that I had to buy industrial sized toe nail clippers so gigantic they double as hedge trimmers! When I am able to cut through them they make a huge snapping sound like the cracking of a whip and the nail zooms/flings through the air like a Throwing Star and sticks in the wall!

Think Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber! I always wear safety goggles when I cut my toe nails!

There literally was a show once that needed Stunt Folks with really ugly feet! I got Janice wardrobe from Psych to take a picture of my feet and email them to the Stunt Coordinator. That was before I knew how to take pix and email them. She had to literally get down on her hands and knees and take close ups of my feet! 

Another one of those awkward moments.

But I got the gig!

The Fungus in my feet are so bad that I went to a Podiatrist to have that laser treatment done. He said it would cost $1000 for the treatment but in my case there was zero chance that there would be any improvement.


He also demanded I leave his office immediately! Before his equipment became contaminated!  He even burned his gloves!  

Back home, my foot ritual consists of rubbing in very expensive L’Occitane foot cream with a Cracked Heel Cream/Polysporin Cocktail into my heels to combat the  Grand Canyon like cracks I get in my heels. But I couldn’t bring any of that stuff with me on the plane because I only had carry on. 

My wife says that half the time it looks like I have gangrene in my feet. And that it looks like I might have to get my foot amputated!

That night my foot throbbed all night. Even the weight of a thin bed sheet felt like it was crushing my foot. The ice had melted in the night and the bed was soaked! I tried to empty the plastic bags in the bathroom but the water spilled everywhere!

Gmon was grossed out! He thought I was a bed wetter and asked when was the last time I had my Prostate checked! 

Today we’re gonna go see the Statue of Liberty!

We cabbed it down to the waterfront. It was even colder down by the water!

I got a pic of me on shore with The Statue of Liberty out on the water. It only looked the size of a baby finger. I hope it’s bigger in real life.

To get on the ferry you have to go through a full on Airport security check. Everything comes off. Jackets, sweaters, gloves, hat, hoodies cell phones etc. I had about 10 layers on. It seemed as cold inside as out.

And we had to take off our shoes! That was pain full! My foot was still throbbing like a cartoon. I practically had to take out all my laces to get my shoe off. Putting it back on was even harder.

We made it out to the island! The Statue was bigger in real life. A lot bigger!.


A coupla girls took pix of Gmon and I with the Statue of Liberty.

I decided go walk up to the halfway point of The Statue of Liberty. Gmon didn’t want to. It was gonna be pretty painful climbing up all those steps. But it’ll be a nice view and another,


But I have to go through another full security check, 


Again, everything comes off!  Again, even the shoes! Again, everything goes through the X Ray machine.

When I step through, the guard asks me what the bulge was in my pants. It was my wallet because I sure as hell wasn’t happy to see him! He said I had to go back and put my wallet through the machine otherwise I wouldn’t be allowed in.


If everyone on the island had to go through the exact same security check to get onto the ferry to get out here, how could I suddenly wind up with a Rocket Launcher?!!  And how on earth could it possibly fit in my blue jeans pocket!? Plus Irish people only blow up stuff in their own country and there hadn’t been any instances of that for years!

Dunno if it was the pain in my foot or the bitter freezing cold or the fact that I had just gone through security seemingly a billion times to fly back here.


I was outta there! I grabbed my armful of clothes and stormed off! I limped outta there with only one shoe on because I couldn’t possibly get the other one on over my swollen foot fast enough for a dramatic exit!

I’d have to IMAGINE what that SELFIE from a little higher up would look like!

Gmon and I got in line for the ferry back. It was a much smaller line than if we would have stayed and it was in the sun!


We decide to blow off the other Island thing and headed right back to terra firma.

Luckily we didn’t have to go through security to get OFF the ferry.

We then went to yet another authentic New York Deli.

I had Mats-a Ball soup.

Another DQ food pic!

We then knocked off Times Square and Grand Central Station. I saw the steps where Kevin Costner saved the baby in the baby carriage in The Untouchables! I could almost see the bookkeeper cowering against the wall halfway down the steps

Huge day!!

Next up, New York Rangers vs The New Jersey Devils.



I just realized I had no more clean clothes. This trip was only supposed to be a coupla days in my home town then maybe a coupla days in New York. But it had been over a week and a half and I still had a few more days to go. Plus I had chewed up about 5 layers of clothes during my Marathon Run and everything had gotten just soaked!

This hotel was too cool to have washers and dryers. Sure they could pick up your laundry and do it but it would cost about $10 a T shirt! $10 a T shirt!? I don’t have a single article of clothing that’s even worth $10 clean or otherwise!

So I throw everything into a huge laundry bag and limp to a laundry place a couple blocks away, kitty corner to the Pazzo Pizza place. It felt even colder because I was carrying most of my clothes in the bag. Cleaning Dude says they could do it for about $ 15 because of the weight but they would have to send it out and it wouldn’t be done for a day and a half. But because they were closed Sunday and I was leaving early Monday morning it wasn’t gonna work.

So I had to pull a Crocodile Dundee and do a laundry while I was taking a shower.

Desperate times and all that.

A few select articles of clothing only. A couple of black pairs of underwear cause it was harder to see the skid marks. But not the pair I wore on  the 5 hour flight back here. Also a T shirt and a long sleeve shirt.

I scrubbed the taint and the arm pits only! I hung them out to dry in the bathroom. Gmon was grossed out because I had turned our 4 Star hotel into The Beverly Hillbillies! I was Jethro cleaning down by the Cement Pond. 

I had absolutely nothing that didn’t totally reek to put on. I checked the closet and saw,.. 

wait for it,... 


I had seen these bathrobes in closets in hotels for the past 2 decades. My kids used to wear them and go down to the sauna while playing walki talki games before playing Marco Polo. But not once in my whole life did I ever consider for one second that I would actually put one on.

But again, desperate times and all that. 

I went full commando under THE WHITE BATHROBE.

Another SELFIE!

I thought it’d be a good idea to get Gmon to put the other WHITE BATHROBE on and we’d get a,


He was appalled! Thought it was kinda gay.

Not that there’s,...

This was coming from the guy who had got on his hands and knees and took a dozen closeup pix of my feet and emailed them out to everybody. 

Not gay at all.

Not that,..

So I grabbed the other WHITE BATHROBE and tried to force it on him! 

Two middle aged geezers having the equivalent of a pillow fight wrestling on the bed alone in a hotel room they had been sharing together for the past week, one wearing a WHITE BATHROBE with absolutely nothing but his birthday suit underneath, giggling like a coupla schoolgirls!

Totally not gay!

Not that,..

Gmon hid beneath his blanky! I threw the WHITE BATHROBE on top of him and knocked off a


During the struggle and with  all the jostling their might have been an unconfirmed sighting of the essence of my manhood poking through the WHITE BATHROBE. But it was an uncomfortable unconfirmed sighting!

It’s time for the Big Game! Rangers vs Devils! Outdoors at Yankee Stadium New York New York!

The first order of business of any huge sporting event is to get your 


Which allow you full access to anywhere in the Venue and the chicks dig em! You can always tell the quality of the CREDENTIALS if A- Your picture is on it. B-If they are laminated plastic and not just cardboard. C-If there’s writing on the strap that hangs around your neck.

3 for 3!

The strap was especially cool because it had Stadium Series written on it and all the cities that the out door games are going to be played.

And again it was freezing! I had grown up with Fahrenheit. But it didn’t matter if it was Fahrenheit or Celsius. It was just dam cold!

We had to track the NHL Players coming into Yankee Stadium and follow a couple of the Stars,especially the ones representing their respective countries in Sochi, down the elevator to their dressing rooms. Again no one knew who they were without their uniforms on except mois. So again I had to yell, 

“Pan left. Rick Nash! Pan right Lundqvist!”

We had a bunch of scantily clad dancers keeping warm in our Green Room. But a couple of them helped themselves to donuts which didn’t sit to well with the crew members. A good rule of thumb, never steal donuts from cops or TV crews. 

It’s a no no.

I took my place right beside the New Jersey bench. I was sitting right against the plexi glass. We weren’t allowed to stand up during the game because they wanted the fans to have an unobstructed view of the game. 

The weather was perfect. Sunny with total blue skies.

But they delayed the start of the game because of the glare on the ice. A safety issue.

So I had to be stapled to my seat for an hour in the freezing cold before the game even began.

It was a great game! The ice was good and the action was fast and furious. It’s amazing  how fast these guys appear when you’re right at ice level with your nose pressed  against the plexi glass.

I sent a text to my boy John Ulmer in YVR who was watching the game. John used to be Chris Judge’s ( Teal’c) stunt double on  Stargate. We now play on 3 hockey teams together back home.

He texted me back asking if I was wearing beige, with a clip board and sitting beside the New Jersey bench. 


He could see me on TV but he said I looked cold!


But I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I watched the replay of the game later on in the bar and I saw myself.

So that was it. That was my trip to New York. The next morning I was heading out, stopping first to see my daughter Joey at McGill in Montreal. Then home.

Gmon said he was going to get a present for his daughter Kenya. 


I had been in the Big Apple for a week and I hadn’t got anything for my family. I had gotten the black Stadium Series T shirts which were cool but it wasn’t the same thing.

I took a couple anti inflammatories that I remembered I had from my Alumni game and hobbled out into the cold night.

I had taken a pic of a PRADA sign outside of a store and texted it home. My daughter Steph texted right back,

“Hand bag”

I obviously wasn’t going to get them a Prada handbag. But I could get them, A handbag. At least a hand bag from New York.

I found one and texted a pic back home. I had no idea what was cool in the hand bag world. My wife texted me right back saying it was cool. I luv this modern technology! The sales person told me the name of the designer of the bag like it was to have some significance. But if it’s not made by Nike it means nuthin to me. And it was 40 o/o off!

I then went to a clothing store. I bought a few tops. All black. Some had leather bits on the shoulders and some had sparkly bits on the sleeves. And they were all 50 o/o off!

I was shopping in New York! And getting deals! Plus I got to look like Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman or better yet, Sarah Jessica  Parker from Sex in the City carrying around expensive looking shopping bags with colored tissue sticking out everywhere. 

Again, kinda gay.

Not that,..

Wahoo!! I was shopping in New York!!

Gmon wanted me to stay for the Islander game in a couple days but I had to get going. I may knock off the Chicago Outdoor Game in Soldier Field in a month. Which will justify me buying that White Blackhawk Hat.

My car had been totalled before I left Vancouver. I had to deal with that.

NOTE- a person’s Ethnicity, Gender or Age and has absolutely nothing to do with a person’s ability to drive.

The teenaged Asian male that slammed into me could have been anyone.

Also there was the little matter of trying to actually get a job!!

So I walked out the revolving doors at the Weston Hotel one last time.

Without a limp.

I wish the hell I would have taken those anti inflammatories earlier.

I handed the doorman a couple of bucks for hailing me a cab and I was off! 

I must admit it will be kinda nice to not to have to hand someone a coupla bucks every time they answer a question.

The Brotha who was driving the cab admitted that he didn’t usually give a rats ass about hockey. But when it was played OUTSIDE, all that changed. Something about playing outside on the, fake, natural ice. 

So I guess the NHL is onto something. It created quite a buzz in the Big Apple. And I’m guessing the 50,000 some odd freezin cold roasts they jammed in the seats were nuthin to sneeze about either.

And I was there!!


Just then, a car cut off my Cabbie!

Suddenly he went nuts! Honkin his horn driving up fast beside him, giving him the finger and screaming an array of expletives!

I was getting a ride in an



Scratch that off the list!



NEW YORK!!....


                                                     ME, GMON. YANKEE STADIUM
                                                          ME. BANNERS.

                                                          ME + MICK.

                                           ME, CLEAN SHEET OF ICE, YANKEE STADIUM

                                                           DQ FOOD PIC.

                                                 ME, NHL COMMISH GARY BETTMAN

                                           ME, CREDENTIALS, ICE, MSG SCOREBOARD

                                              ME, FENCE, WATER, SKYLINE, CENTRAL PARK

                                                     PREZ! THE LEGEND AT WORK

                                                         ME AND THE LEGEND.

                                               ANOTHER DQ PIC. MAT-SA BALL SOUP

                                                     TEAM CANADA, RANGER ROOM

                                                    YANKEE STADIUM!!!

                                                   DUELLING BATHROBES!